I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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