nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
