Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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