Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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