remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
