he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
