she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
