She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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