Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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