Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
