i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize