I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize