You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
