He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The best revenge is premature balding
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
