so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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