I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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