every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
