So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
