i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
