i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
