Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
