I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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