Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
