I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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