Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
