ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize