dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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