i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
