are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
