I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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