Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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