when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize