i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
