why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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