i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
