Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
