Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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