you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
