I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I intend to get homeless drunk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
