too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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