Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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