be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
