You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
