I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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