She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
