my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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