Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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