Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
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