People in love make me want to vomit
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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