I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I could fuck to npr.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
