is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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