peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
