the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I faked an abortion last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
