I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
