I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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