Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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