And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
