Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
