I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
