I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
