How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
