she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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