my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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