Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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