I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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