hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
