i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
