Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
