That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
