just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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