A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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