Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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