TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
