I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
