How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
