And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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